oylmpians:

a list of current immortals

• florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen
  
• keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe
• jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess
  
• harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s 
  
• lorde: 1920′s flapper era
• hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE
• john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would
  
• paul rudd: newest to the immortal club, didn’t age past the 1990′s

carolcosmic:

lord-kitschener:

Dudes really talk a lot about No Nut November considering how many of their girlfriends have been doing a No Orgasm for the Entire Damn Relationship

thelighttasteslikelasagna:

jakemorph:

in this essay i won’t

hesitate, bitch

thebadgirlinharlem:

i have loved rami malek since i first laid eyes on him in night at the museum and i will love him until the day i die

vanmccantfish:

@ Van McCann it’s 2018 drop the fucking album we know you’ve had it ready since you were 3 years old

pottersir:

harry immediately after discovering tom riddle’s diary absorbs ink: hello magical book my name is Harry Potter and my age and address and credit card information and password is

melanin-majestic:

treygotguap:

Girls will say they busy and be in their bed relaxin or sleep

Sounds busy to me

ruisi:

walking thru the streets late at night would be so Good and calming if I wasn’t scared of every man and car I see after 8pm

occasionallyomniscient:

rubysevens:

Danny Devito and Jeff Goldblum both give off chaotic energies, but in opposite directions. One is the yin to the other’s yang. However, both are everyone’s uncle

Danny is ur dad’s brother and Jeff is ur mom’s

aphador:

Intro: yo dis my paper

Body Paragraphs: *written beautifully along with correct spelling and grammar"

Conclusion: dats it lol bye

scorpi-heaux:

me after one glass of wine: I need to get FUCKED